Have you been curious about sleep training but have heard that you must do “cry it out” if you sleep train? Sleep training can often get a bad rap but it is extremely important to me that families understand the different types of sleep training. I find there is often a lot of confusion about what sleep training even is. Unfortunately, many families who would greatly benefit from sleep training decide they would never sleep train before fully understanding what it even is.

I want to take some time to talk you through what sleep training is, why a family might decide to sleep train, and most importantly, the difference between the cry-it-out method and what I teach in my programs and consultations. Let’s go!

What is sleep training?

First up, what does sleep training actually mean? While there are many different ways and methods to sleep train, all the methods have the same goal: teaching your little one to fall asleep in a new way.

For most families, this looks like removing the help their child needs to fall asleep (let’s use rocking as an example). If their little one needs to be rocked before falling asleep, then it’s not uncommon for that child to wake at various times throughout the night and need to be re-rocked back to sleep. The same can happen early in the morning and at naptime too.

But, by sleep training and teaching your child to fall asleep on their own, they are eventually able to handle those night wakings, early morning wakings, and short naps seamlessly on their own!

While self-settling is typically the goal with sleep training, not every family’s goal is to remove all help. It could be that the little one needs to be nursed to fall asleep each time. The parents aren’t wanting to remove all help, they just want to give Mum a break. So they would teach their child to fall asleep without nursing so that either parent could help. That’s considered sleep training as well since a new way to fall asleep is being taught.

Why choose to sleep train?

As I mentioned above, it’s completely normal for your child to have certain ways they prefer to fall asleep. And oftentimes those ways are parent-led such as:

• Rocking 
• Holding 
• Feeding
• Replacing the pacifier
• Laying with
• Bouncing
• Shushing
• Patting

Because these are all things that your child cannot do on their own, that creates a dependency on you to help them sleep. And because your baby’s sleep consists of sleep cycles that they will transition in and out of, this means there is a potential for wake-ups often throughout the night and during naptime.

Some families do just fine with this dependency and it doesn’t bother them or negatively affect their sleep. But most families will reach a point where they are really struggling with the help that their little one needs in order to fall asleep. They realize that their current sleep habits just aren’t sustainable long term and seek out a sleep change.

That’s where sleep training comes in.

If you can relate to any of these struggles, you might be considering sleep training:

1. It takes a long time for your child to fall asleep- even with lots of help from you. It feels almost as if they are fighting sleep each time.
2. You get your baby to sleep but then when you go to transfer them to their cot, you never know if they’ll stay asleep or be back up and you’ll have to start the whole process all over again.
3. Your child is waking frequently at night. Sometimes it’s easy to get them back down and sometimes it’s a challenge.
4. Your baby is still waking to feed at night even though you feel confident they can eat less overnight because of their age and growth.
5. Your baby is starting their day before 6am and unable to fall back asleep even though they are clearly still tired and need more sleep.
6. Getting your little one to take naps during the day is a chore. You feel like you spend more time trying to get them to nap than they actually spend napping.
7. Daytime is a struggle because you can tell they are tired and cranky but they just won’t sleep enough to feel rested.

If you are experiencing any of these sleep struggles, the first thing I want you to know is that you are not alone! I’ve been where you are and I know how frustrating and hopeless it can feel at times. In fact, that’s exactly why I am so passionate about my work, and the support I give each one of my families to see the sleep success they need. Keep reading to learn more about how I approach sleep training.

What is Cry It Out?

Crying it out is often misunderstood as the only way to sleep train. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Crying it out is simply a sleep training method (of which there are many). When using cry it out, a family will put their child down awake in the cot and then leave the room and not return. Eventually, the child will put themselves to sleep after crying for a while. The idea behind cry it out is to give the child space to figure it out on their own. I personally don’t believe a little one should be left to cry themselves to sleep and therefore cry it out is not a sleep training method that I use with the families I support. Instead, I prefer to focus on responsive settling instead.

What do I teach?

I use responsive settling (also known as responsive sleep training) as my main technique because I believe that it's important for little ones to learn that someone will always come to them when they are upset. I also find that it helps parents feel that they are still being responsive and helpful as their child learns the new skill of self-settling. With any type of sleep training, consistency is really important, therefore choosing a method that the parents feel comfortable with is a crucial part of the process. 

When responsive settling is used we can often see a huge reduction in sleep disturbances in the first week. And most little ones are sleeping through the night (if 6+ months) by the end of that first week too.

Will a child still cry with a responsive method?

I think it’s important to talk about crying here. While a responsive method is not the same as cry it out, that doesn’t mean your child won’t shed tears during the process. Anytime we are making changes to sleep habits, your little one is going to have an opinion about it and let you know that they dislike the change. That’s a normal and natural part of life after all! However, these tears shouldn't last for hours upon hours or days upon days. 

Your baby will likely still cry with a responsive method but you will be right there with them as they learn. You get to act as their calm and comfort as they adjust to their new way of falling asleep. With the methods I use, you get to be hands-on during the process, offering comfort and soothing to your little one all the way through.

What does the process of working with me look like?

Before working together, I offer a free 15 minute call so we can see if my approach to sleep is the right fit for you! We can discuss what’s happening sleep-wise and work out how to move forward with the right sleep package for you. I can answer any questions you have to put your mind at ease.

After deciding to work together, you will purchase your consultation and then we will get started. I will create a personalised sleep plan for your little one. Included in this will be an individual responsive method that you can use to tend to your child while they learn the new skill of falling asleep on their own. We’ll also cover sleep environment, schedules, and nap and bedtime routines in the plan as well. Then I’ll support you throughout the whole process.

Let’s work together to get sweet dreams for you and your little one!